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The Weekly Update — 004

Benedikt Sebastian
2 min readNov 24, 2020
Weekly Update!
  1. China used a secret microwave pulse weapon to cook Indian soldiers alive.
    Apparently they were trying out a new curry recipe.
  2. Pope Francis’ Instagram account supposedly “liked” a bikini model’s photo.
    The Catholic church issued an apology saying it was a mistake, he was trying to like her little brother’s photo.
  3. The Makers of grow-your-own human steaks say the meal kit is not ‘technically’ cannibalism, because you’re eating “yourself.”
    Does that mean every family member has to grow their own steak? What if I wanna have a buffet? What happens when I go to the Kylie Jenner’s house and I don’t wanna eat Genetically Modified Food?
  4. Dodgers Stadium is said to host a drive-through holiday festival at the stadium.
    For $150 fans can drive in a convoy of cars, for hours, buying hot dogs and cool drinks.
  5. Canada Is Allowing People With Depression to Do Psychedelic Mushrooms.
    Who knew speaking to fairies and running naked in the snow could cure depression.
  6. Twitter debuts FLEETS, where tweets disappear after 24 hours.
    An exciting new development for Republicans, terrorists and Kevin hart.
  7. Guitar Center is filing for bankruptcy.
    This is after an unsuccessful marketing strategy to sell air guitars during the pandemic led to a massive stockpile. A spokesperson for the company said all the…

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Benedikt Sebastian
Benedikt Sebastian

Written by Benedikt Sebastian

Multidisciplinary creative and polymath, Benedikt Sebastian is a storyteller and comedian who creates for multiple mediums.

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